As you can tell, I've kind of lost interest in this blog. I'll still keep it going, but it's doubtful that the entries are going to be frequent. I just don't have a lot of time between work, ballet and school. I feel as though nothing I write has any real depth to it anymore. Mostly, again, because I never have any free time and when I do, it's for a short amount of time indeed and it's just not enough time to concentrate on things like updating an anonymous blog.

But to fill you all in with what has happened over the past six months (as my posts have been sparse indeed), here we go:

1. Had a boyfriend
2. Broke up with boyfriend for being too insecure.
3. Dated a few other men.
4. Went to some society balls
5. Upped my ballet classes and started pointe
6. Read through several books: The Exile, The Judgment of Paris, Albert Speer: His Battle With Truth, etc. All good.
7. My best friend went to jail for two years.
8. I got amazingly sunburnt and broke out in blisters.
9. Got a fuck buddy.
10. Debated with myself on how bisexual I am.
11. Got confirmed (non-Catholic).
12. Started drinking again (although it's really small amounts).
13. Grew out my eyebrows as it makes you look younger.
14. Got depressed over the ending of Lost.

And that's about it.

Prokofiev - Dance of the Knights

I know my embedding skills are crap (read: I'm lazy), but you don't need to watch anything in this video, just listen to this beautiful song.

Fuck buddy

My fuck buddy and I had very disappointing sex yesterday. He was under the impression that my vagina was a piece of hard cement that needed to be drilled. Being what he is, I didn't really complain, but I'm glad he's not my boyfriend. Otherwise, I don't think it would work out between us.

Took my full piggy bank to Commerce today.

I had twenty-one dollars in change! I couldn't believe it. It's so empty now.

When I was ten or so, I never wanted to be married, nor have children. I was inspired by the Amazon women of ancient Greece. They only mated when necessary. They were warriors. They were independent. I loved everything that they stood for, and resolved that I would never be tied down to someone.

Now, at age twenty-four, almost twenty-five, something called my "biological clock" is ticking. I hate saying that fucking phrase, but man those hormones! And it's not just the hormones, I also want a physically superior child, and I know that after the age of thirty, more birth defects pop-up. I'm worried about that. I don't know why I want a child, but I do. There's something there that's driving me.

I also want to get married, I think. I want to have a man, and a stable home, and some security (but I don't want to be totally boring either). I need the man before the child, at least (because the other way around is a financially risky decision). It's something of a means to an end.

I always told myself that I would never depend on anyone, for anything. That's been hard to follow, of course, but to go further with this, I don't want to be one of those women who depends on their man for everything. Where is the power in that relationship? It's with the man.

Anyway, I'm rambling here.

Another one!

Forgot to add this commercial last time:



Nothing new. I broke up with that guy I was dating. He just got super clingy and was talking about having kids with me and getting married and it all seemed too intense, too fast. It actually made me feel physically ill. So I broke up with him. Now he's being creepy and semi-stalking me. I think he needs to get over it.

I was so horny though (after getting a supply of steady sex) that I thought about calling him for some break-up sex. Although, I thought about this more and I figured that he would consider it, "I want to get back together" sex. So I called up a friend instead and took care of the situation.

It was nice.

I got pointe shoes recently as well. I'm really excited to start pointe. I've been going to ballet class for about a year and a half now, three times a week and the teacher thinks it's okay that I start pointe. I love these shoes so much!!!!! It took forever to fit my foot though. Damn Morton's toe on a size 11 foot.

Anyway, Grishko finally supplied the fitting shoe. I can't WAIT for class!

Also, I'm getting slaughtered in my brackets. What the hell is happening in the South!?!?

Some of my favorite commercials.

Haven't updated in a while, but only because I've been busy.









Yeah, I liked the show Nip/Tuck.

Odds and ends

So I'm dating someone now. He's really great, funny, charming, attractive and so forth. It's kind of awesome. We speak all the time via text, email or phone. Sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed with how much he likes me. It makes me feel a little nervous, but I suppose that is a good thing. We haven't had sex yet, man I can't wait till we do. Just taking our time until we get there. It's like we both know it'll happen and we just love working our way up to it. I didn't even meet him through the matchmaker. I met him through a friend.

Moving on. Something horrible happened to a friend of mine the other day. I cried that entire evening. I suppose I should've expected it, but I just didn't allow myself to think about it. Once some time has passed maybe I'll write about it here.

I'm working, did I mention? It's fabulous. I love putting on a suit and going someplace to do something productive.

My friend and I were speaking about the men that she sleeps with. We were specifically discussing the kind of man whom one sleeps with and is friendly with, yet that man completely misreads the situation thinking that one is being clingy or that one has dreams of the two of you together forever. Meanwhile the reality is that one just wants a friends with benefits situation. To be a friend; to have access to somewhat constant sex without any real emotional investment.

Hell, if a girl wanted to date you, she would've acted differently. Made the man take her out to dinner. Not shown up and removed her clothes. That joking around afterwards, the holding of conversations with the man, that's just because she wants to be cool with the man. Nothing more, nothing less. Because, well, anything less would have the girl be like a silent hooker.

It was a fascinating conversation.